Not My Batman V. Not My Superman

I didn't like Man of Steel.

I'm not talking about the 1986 DC Comics miniseries by John Byrne, which is, to the contrary, revelatory in nature. That book brought Superman singlehandedly into the modern era and paved the way for hundreds of terrific tales. (It's also, as I pointed out before, the starting point for my own Superman collection, recently begun anew with the resurrection of the Post-Crisis iteration of the character.)

Rather, I'm talking about Zack Snyder's 2013 film that endeavored to reintroduce Krypton's Last Son to modern audiences. I liked the trailers and I even was excited enough to attend a midnight screening of the movie. I started out really enjoying the scenes that took place on Krypton, displaying the conflict between Superman's father Jor-El (Russell Crowe) and General Zod (Michael Shannon). But the Superman of this narrative contrasts starkly with the version I know and have enjoyed for the last few decades. Gone was the optimism that's often encircled the character, replaced by cynicism at best and pervasive xenophobia at worst. (I shouldn't have been surprised, as executive producer Christopher Nolan always was more at home in Gotham than Metropolis.) Add in enough property devastation to make even Michael Bay blush, and I might have considerable pause. But then--then--give Superman, the very same guy who always, always finds a way to win, an unwinnable situation where the narrative forces him to kill Zod. I checked out like Mark Waid (a writer whose work on Superman: Birthright and other tales I enjoyed).

So when DC announced the "sequel" to Man of Steel would be a battle with the Darkknight Detective himself, as a pitstop between the original and a Justice League movie, I should've known better. When I saw the film back in March, I dismissed it as an unmitigated disaster that got so, so much wrong about both lead characters as well as the villains of the piece. Batman (Ben Affleck) saw everything in terms of absolute good or absolute evil and was a frequent accessory to murder (with the bat-brands on criminals he caught serving as, essentially, a death sentence). Superman (HEnry Cavill) was a man of few words, and those he did say he growled in ways more accustomed to Batman. Lex Luthor Jr. (Jesse Eisenberg, horrendously miscast) was just a lunatic. And Doomsday could fly, shoot heat rays out of his eyes, and explode over and over again like a bomb because, well, I'm not quite sure why. The narrative was a mess, the characters were a mess, and by the time Superman died in the final battle, I was nauseatingly numb.

Of course, like a fool I decided I absolutely needed to watch the "Ultimate Cut" released on July 19. Could the additional 30 minutes of footage turn my opinion of the film around? Putting aside the fact that an R-rated version of a Superman movie shouldn't even by rights exist, I watched.

The verdict? Although the film is still deeply flawed and especially wrongheaded in its treatment of Superman, the Ultimate Cut is a leap forward when compared to its theatrical predecessor.

Others have given more thorough reviews of the films as a set, so I won't go into much detail. The strongest bit re-inserted into this film is the lengths to which Luthor went to manipulate the characters, from Superman and Batman on down to Senator Finch (Holly Hunter), Wallace Keefe (Scoot McNairy) and Kahina Ziri (Wunmi Mosaku), the latter of whom has the most expanded role. What could have been believed as too many coincidences in the theatrical version is spelled out as Luthor's machinations in this version. Granted, very few of the additional scenes actually involve Eisenberg's Luthor himself, so there's an even greater disconnect between the actor's portrayal and what we know the character has done. But putting forth the idea that Luthor knew who Batman and Superman really were from the beginning puts everything in perspective, just as making him direct prisoners to kill other prisoners with bat-symbols exonerates Batman in a way, and makes the opening sequence and the bullet sub-plot have a more sensible connection to Superman.

However, there are things besides Luthor that remain problematic or become even more so as result of the added footage. Batman's visions of an "Apokoliptic" future and the cameos of all Justice League members still stick out like sore thumbs. The explosion at the Capitol Building gets a bit of a tradeoff, as we find out Keefe's wheelchair was lined with lead which prevented Superman from seeing the bomb. However, nothing in this film or Man of Steel shows why Luthor would have any knowledge of this particular weakness of Superman's. (Filmmaking 101: Set 'em up and knock 'em down.) And Snyder really, really doubled down on the bleakness and carnage of the prior film's denouement, using it to form his basis of this one.

The biggest problems of the movie are still, sadly, the biggest problems. Batman still reacts nuttily toward Superman's exclamation that they're going to kill Martha, and Doomsday is still a big gray deus ex machina meant to give all three protagonists something to punch and hit since Luthor's body can't take that kind of punishment. But what was worst of all was the entire sub-plot making Superman out to be some kind of god being worshiped by the people of the world. True, he never actively encouraged any of them, but he never discouraged them, either. Snyder takes pains to dismantle the myth, at least in Batman's eyes, by making him see that he's not a god--that he's just a man, in the "Martha" scene, and then impresses it upon everyone else in the story by having Doomsday kill him at the end. He can die just like the rest of us! O, sad day!

This is all well and good, of course, so long as you don't consider that, in order for Superman to appear in Justice League, he's going to need to be restored to life. And, if you think the huddled masses were going ga-ga over Superman before, just wait until they see that Christ parallel in action! The very direction of the narrative decimates any statement Snyder (or screenwriters Terrio and Goyer) attempts to make.

So, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice has a better version in the Ultimate Cut; however, there's still much to overcome. Seeing this cut gives me a little hope in Justice League. Maybe, at the very least, they'll resurrect Superman with the ability to smile, laugh, and see the best in people? After all, Henry Cavill has really looked the part in these last two films, and I know from films like The Man From U.N.C.L.E. that he's got charisma to spare. So why not let him, you know, actually use it?

Stranger things...

~G.

Just When I Thought I Was Out... (DCU Rebirth SPOILERS!)

Hey, y'all.

Remember when I said that both DC and Marvel Comics had catastrophically screwed the pooch when it came to handling their greatest super-heroes and super-villains?  (The most recent spate of comments started here with a discussion of Secret Wars and Convergence and continued over here with some talk about Superman: Lois & Clark.)

Yeah, Marvel's still doing it. I think right now I'm about the most opposite-of-excited as I've been for Marvel in a long, long while. Maybe ever! And it's something that's well reflected in my current buying habits. In my Discount Comic Book Service order for the month of May, I've only ordered nine ongoing Marvel titles--and five of those are in the Spider-Man family of books! I'm only reading what I enjoy, but even the current crop is subject to elimination. (And no, Steve Rogers: Captain America isn't doing the company any favors in my eyes, although certainly I'd be more apt to judge after we see more than just the first chapter.)

But DC? This last week returned a skosh of the goodwill they squandered over the last year. And the next several weeks will either validate that early feeling or maybe just sour me the rest of the way.

Of course, I'm talking about DC Universe Rebirth #1, the book that officially pulls back the curtain on the DCU of old and turns the trickle of old DCU carryovers into a veritable flood. Sure, a few characters like Batman and Green Lantern kept the majority of their continuity thanks to writers with long-term projects (Grant Morrison on the former, Rebirth scribe Geoff Johns on the latter). But it wasn't until Convergence with its undoing of Crisis On Infinite Earths that the ripple effect began in earnest.

Why Spider-Man Vs. Spawn Must Happen (An Open Letter to Axel Alonso & Todd McFarlane)

(Special note: Any fans or creators wishing to re-post or share this note may do so with the conditions that I am credited as its sole original writer and that my website, DelusionalHonesty.com, be linked from your posting.)

Dear Axel & Todd:

As you are both well aware, 2012 marks an important time in the "lives" of your companies' most enduring characters. Spider-Man was created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko 50 years ago in the burgeoning days of of Marvel Comics with its eye toward more realistic super-heroes. Todd, you created Spawn 20 years ago during the explosion of creator-owned sentiment that was Image Comics' raison d'etre. Since then, both characters have enjoyed significant success, be it Spawn's HBO series or the 1997 movie; or Spider-Man's various animated series and 70s live-action TV series and movies throughout the last decade. Spawn #220 recently hit comic shops everywhere, celebrating the 20th anniversary, and in August, Marvel will release Amazing Spider-Man #692, which does the same for his 50th.

Although I know it's far, far too late to do it this year, I think you should really put your heads together and produce what we all know would be the premier comics--nay, pop culture event of 2013.

Spider-Man Vs. Spawn.

While 2012 marked the anniversaries I outlined above, 2013 will be the 25th anniversary of Todd's first work on Spider-Man, a character whom I daresay he changed forever by infusing his unique sensibilities into his design. I imagine, during the 43 issues Todd drew between 1988 and his exit from Marvel in 1991, he turned many a teenage boy (or girl!) into a devoted Spidey fan for life. There's not a creator working on Spider-Man today who doesn't owe something to Todd's work. If you don't believe me, just look at the character's bigger, buggier eyes and the mess of webbing from head to toe and spitting forth from his web-shooters. Arguably, there are two truly huge names among Spider-Man artists. One is Steve Ditko; I hope I don't have to tell you the other.

Spawn started out terrifically in the your hands, Todd. You soon ceded your artistic designs to Greg Capullo, who paved the way for Angel Medina even as you lent the writing reins to your colleague Brian Holguin, who then passed the torch to others. In spite of all this, you've always returned to the character and shown a heartfelt passion for Al Simmons, Terry and Wanda Fitzgerald, little Cyan, and even Malebolgia, Violator, Angela, Cagliostro and others introduced during the early part of the series. Jim Downing, the new Spawn, has continued to develop since his introduction, growing on fans who miss Al most fervently.

In spite of your immense and consistent popularity with comic fandom, I respectfully offer that it's important to reconnect with your roots. There are entire generations of younger comics fans who don't know the enthusiasm with which we fans who were around in the late 80s and early 90s grabbed the newest issue of Amazing Spider-Man or your Spider-Man. There are younger people--a few generations of them by now--who are only familiar with your work as Spawn's creator, or as the guy who bought Mark McGwire's baseball, or the guy who directed a music video or formed a video game studio with Curt Schilling and R.A. Salvatore. Only because of Marvel Comics' relentless graphic novel program do many even know you once, long ago, drew Spider-Man.

Axel, you've done some terrific things in your decade-long career with Marvel Comics. You stepped in when Joe Quesada renovated the company and drove such unique efforts as Peter Milligan and Mike Allred's X-Statix as well as J. Michael Straczynski's Amazing Spider-Man and Bruce Jones's Incredible Hulk. You've also brought various crime writers to Marvel, and helped to start the MAX mature readers label. In short, you've taken chances with Marvel's properties just as often as you've put out crowd-pleasing fare such as the current line-wide event, Avengers Vs. X-Men.

Marvel Comics and Image Comics have both had their share of successful inter-company crossovers, but Marvel hasn't stuck its feet in the water since the deal with Top Cow which produced books like Darkness/Hulk (which reunited Dale Keown with Marvel and the character with whom he was most often affiliated) and Cyberforce/X-Men (ditto for Marc Silvestri). The last crossover Marvel did with any other company was 2008's Magdalena/Daredevil.

Todd, you've been stingier in letting anyone else play with Spawn, letting him briefly pal around with Batman in a duo of one-shots, one of which you illustrated while comics legend Frank Miller wrote it. It wasn't bad, but at the same time, I don't believe it ages particularly well, nor do I think fans were as enthusiastic about a crossover with a character you rarely drew (in Mike W. Barr's excellent Batman: Year Two) as they would have been about a story involving a character you--let's be honest--revolutionized. And there was another Batman/Spawn project brewing, but there has to be one damned good reason why it never happened.

It's the perfect time for the drought to end on both your sides, and you know it.

While Batman and Spawn certainly have certain characteristics in common, it would no doubt be fascinating from a character point of view to bring Spawn into conflict with Spider-Man, a character who is his polar opposite: a hero of the daylight hours who fights with a web and a quip instead of a creature of darkness who uses chains and hellfire. It certainly wouldn't hurt to have the whole thing drawn by the man who, with the exception of a cover for the Ultimate Spider-Man #100 Project, hasn't drawn the character that put him on the map for two decades.

You know also that the project would entice the reading public--fans both old and new--like nothing that Marvel, Image or any other company has created since the formation of Image itself. And I'd imagine such a project would require the largest available canvas. Give the project the gravitas it deserves, not as a mini-series with an inevitable graphic novel collection at the end of the tunnel, but as a Treasury-sized spectacular like the super-project Superman Vs. the Amazing Spider-Man and all their ilk. 64 pages? 80? 100? Doesn't matter. Precious few projects have debuted in this superlative format in recent years, and fewer still have actually deserved it. Not only would comic readers get to see Todd McFarlane drawing Spider-Man again, swinging alongside his own creation for the first time ever; but they'd also see it in a large format actually befitting the event!

I'd also make one final recommendation to sweeten the pot. Everyone knows that you, Todd, have championed creators' rights since you left Marvel. Axel, I know that you and Joe Quesada have worked to establish the good name of Marvel through your works with the Hero Initiative charity. I would suggest the project be created in tandem with the Hero Initiative, with a significant amount of the profits going to the program and the creators it helps. Maybe you don't even have to go that far; maybe if each of Todd's art pages were auctioned off for the Initiative, like the covers contributed to the various "100 Projects" year in and out, that would be a blessing in itself. Put some space in the back and let various "indie" creators draw pin-ups of Spidey/Spawn or their own creations in the back. Make the project all about creators' rights, about benefiting those in need. Work out the reprint rights for subsequent printings and ensure this project is the gift that keeps giving, while you're at it.

Who would write this gem? It's one thing worth discussing. Certainly Marvel elite writer Brian Michael Bendis has the "cred" to script such a gig. He's earned it through working on Spawn and his cast in Hellspawn and Sam & Twitch as well as Marvel's in Ultimate Spider-Man and now the super-project Spider-Men. Certainly another name I'd put up there in an instant would be regular Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott, who knows his way around web-head and could certainly bring well-textured life to a project that needs big action, spot-on characterization and big action set pieces. On the other hand, there's dark horse candidate J.M. DeMatteis, whose work shows both humor and psychological complexity and who does exceptionally well with the duality of good and evil.

You can play fast and loose with the concept, too. If you think it's worthwhile to take a trip back in time, to when Spidey was still married to Mary Jane like in the Michelinie/McFarlane originals, so be it. If you want to use Al Simmons instead of Jim Downing, so be it! If you want to involve Venom and swap his symbiote with Spawn's K7 Leetha, make yourselves happy! If you'd rather have it take place in the here and now, I completely understand that desire, as well.

I've made my thoughts known, gentlemen. It's time to make your voices heard. Whether or not you like this idea, or even see it, I think there can be no overstating the potential good a Spider-Man Vs. Spawn project can do for the industry.

Thanks for reading,

Gary M. Miller

Puny God ("Marvel's The Avengers," Reviewed)

Yes, I've been away writing that book you've heard so much about. Let's remedy that, shall we?

Like many of you, last weekend I went to my local movie theatre to see what's being considered one of this summer's premier events: Marvel's The Avengers, a two-and-a-half hour roller coaster ride of a film starring the headliners from the comic company's five recent in-house productions. In addition to the invincible Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), the incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo, taking over for Ed Norton), the mighty Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Captain America (Chris Evans), several other characters seized the spotlight, including SHIELD director Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), agent Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson).

There was an indefinable energy filling the theatre when my friend Harold and I entered. Of course, I didn't go for just any screening of the film: We bought tickets to the all-day "Ultimate Marvel Marathon" put on by AMC Theatres, wherein all of the previous films were screened back-to-back from 11:30 in the morning all the way through the grand midnight Avengers premiere. The theatre was jam-packed with comics fans in their various T-shirts and other regalia recalling the heroes who were to appear on the screen all day long. (My choice of attire: You need to ask?) Each fan who attended received a special lanyard granting them access in and out of the building, a special release Avengers comic book, and one of four styles of Real D 3D glasses (available in Captain America, Hulk, Iron Man and Thor designs...again, guess which?).

The excitement level started out high, and only elevated throughout the day. Unfortunately, this theatre didn't receive the special introductions by Clark Gregg in his role of Agent Coulson that other AMC Theatres screened. I understand they were quite fun, and I'd like nothing more than to actually see them. Alas, the movies were draw enough. Up front were 2008's Iron Man and  The Incredible Hulk, followed by 2010's Iron Man 2 and 2011's tag-team of Thor and Captain America. In between some of the screenings, theatre employees gave away goodie bags and other special odds and ends to fans who answered depressingly easy trivia questions.

And then, the curtain rose on the final film at midnight. The moment of truth had arrived: Would writer/director Joss Whedon rise to the challenge of directing an action-packed feature filled with the heart and soul we knew was at the core of the mighty Marvel Universe?

You're damned right he would!

From the very first frames--a markedly slow beginning which served to introduce the Cosmic Cube Tesseract, the "MacGuffin" of the piece, locked away in the SHIELD and NASA-sponsored Project: PEGASUS (which any reader of seventies series Marvel Two-in-One will recognize)--I knew something special was happening. And when Loki (Tom Hiddleston) arrived, absconding with the Tesseract and narrowly escaping the Project's destruction, the stage was set. Fury began to assemble his team, and it was a sight to behold, having the stars assembled from the previous films begin to interact and their personalities begin to grate on each other.

Joss Whedon admitted he modeled much of the movie after The Dirty Dozen and Black Hawk Down, war movies which centered not on an overly labyrinthine plotline but on the characters that made up their respective groups. In many ways, Avengers is as much an origin story as Iron Man or Captain America, but instead of showing how the characters got their powers, it's a tale of how they learned to all tolerate each other's annoyances and shortcomings in order to beat the big bad. Yes, Loki is a scenery-chewing antagonist, and yes, he has a rather generic plan to enslave Earth's populace. He has an army which is generally ill-defined but who attack in such terrific numbers that any single super-hero would feel overwhelmed. The characterization of the villains really isn't as important as the scope of their operation. Whedon knows the best way to attack the narrative is in bringing out all the heroes' unique and sometimes grating personalities, and watching the fireworks.

Robert Downey Jr. has the majority of the film's best lines as "genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist" Tony Stark, once eliminated from consideration in Fury's Avenger Initiative but now recruited just the same. He's got a bone to pick with just about every member of the team, but learns to work with them just the same. (Especially brilliant is his line to Ruffalo's Banner about just how he's able to control his inner monster. I cackled for a good few minutes afterward.) As any fan of Whedon's television programs (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, et al.) will tell you, the writer/director is an expert at intelligent, snappy dialogue, and here it's no different. The movie is intensely quotable, from Stark's commentary on Thor's cape, to Thor's admission that Loki is his adopted brother, to Loki's quite misogynistic insult toward the Widow. (Yes, let's do look up "mewling quim" and gasp at what we find.) The bottom line is that the snappy dialogue works not just because it's smartly written by Whedon, but because in virtually every case, it all rings true with the characters involved, which is no mean feat in a super-hero film.

Such character moments don't often occur in an action extravaganza like Avengers, and let's make no mistake: This is an action-packed film. And while Downey's Stark may be the master of the witticism, he's physically upstaged in virtually every way by the ever-incredible Hulk. As motion-captured by Ruffalo himself, he steals literally every scene in which he appears, without exception. He may not talk much--and in fact, the theatre was so loud during one of his biggest moments that one could scarcely hear his clearest and perhaps only line of dialogue--but he more than makes up for that economy with the sheer, visceral thrill of seeing him match up against Thor and all manner of alien creatures, cutting loose as only the Hulk from the comics previously could. If you've been upset by the Hulk's seemingly lower strength levels in previous films, you'll find that issue remedied here. This is the Hulk you've been waiting years to see, and I'm hoping against hope that Mark Ruffalo gets to star in his own Incredible Hulk film sooner than later, penned by Whedon or one of his many traditional accomplices. Between actor and writer/director, they have given the character such a synergy that it'd be criminal to not have this character burst free into his own film once more. The formula is just right.

I don't want to go on too long about the movie because I really feel it's important that you see it, and so I'm really holding back on the spoilers. Suffice to say that by the time the ending credits roll, most diehard Marvel Zombies will feel like they've seen the be-all, end-all of super-hero movies. By sharp contrast with Christopher Nolan's Batman cycle, Whedon's Avengers is an unabashed celebration of the super-hero genre rather than a deconstructionist, "real-life" take. Since everyone knows I'm one of the biggest Hulk fans there is, I relish the larger-than-life qualities of that character and the remainder of the characters in Avengers. There are precious few issues with the story--I still don't like Hawkeye's status throughout the first half of the film--but they're outnumbered so greatly by "stand-up-and-cheer" moments that it's hard to remain upset.

And that ending? Stay all the way to the end, folks! You'll see not only the setup for another Marvel film (likely Avengers 2, the threat so great), but also a humorous payoff to what you'd likely believed was a throwaway line in the final battle.

I don't mean to gush, but this is one staggering sci-fi super-hero epic. It really doesn't get any better than this. The Avengers have assembled, and comic book films will never again be the same.

~G.

DCnU: Crisis? What Crisis? (The New 52 & Rampant DiDioism)

Spoilers for the last four weeks of DC's books. Haven't read 'em? Look away, look away, look away, Dixieland.

Breaking news: Dan DiDio has just punched Superboy-Prime right out of the DC Universe. Film at 11.

Just over a month following my last mighty missive about DC Comics' relaunch of 52 of their titles, I'm back with some thoughts, after having read all but four of the titles I've signed on for. (To be read: Aquaman, Justice League Dark, Superman and Voodoo. Am I a masochist? Consider the books I've already read, noted below, and then attempt an answer.) What did I think of the books? Which books will I continue reading? And hey, just what did I think of DC co-publisher Dan DiDio's recent announcement that all company events bearing the umbrella word "Crisis" have been retconned out with the relaunch?

Those are all questions I'm just itchin' to answer. Shall we?

To date, I've read twenty-three "New 52" titles. The old cliche goes, some are good and some suck. Some of them--albeit very few--are fitting for the new audience that DC states they want to lure in. A few will appeal to those fans who are lapsed readers. For the vast majority, however, it's business as usual, with almost nothing really changed from August's books. And then, there are a couple--just one or two, mind you, and I think you know which ones--that are patently offensive and should be canceled as soon as possible.

Of course, they won't actually be canceled because DC has made it obvious that they thrive on controversy, and apparently every bad word about these books only serves to drive sales figures up, up, up. Joker's face ripped off and hung on the wall in Detective Comics? Controversy! Babs Gordon, out of her wheelchair and back to fighting crime as Batgirl, but with acknowledgment of her previous handicap? Controversy! Mister Terrific and an apparently unpowered Karen Starr (formerly Power Girl) possibly being "friends with benefits"? Horrors! Superman ran around in a li'l cape and jeans in his early days, and has never dated or married Lois Lane? Holy Toledo! Amanda Waller, formerly Suicide Squad's rotund leader, now a svelte, sexy lady who might weigh 100 lbs. after eating dinner? Great googly moogly!

And I haven't even gotten to Catwoman's sexcapades with Batman where they keep most of their costumes on in a fetishized scene. Nor have I told about former Teen Titan Starfire, who once had a long-term relationship with Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing, being reduced to a caricature who doesn't even remember who she fought or slept with--little more than, to be blunt, a pretty, curvy set of warm, wet holes that occasionally speaks.

It's been all over the internet now, of course. And hey, did anyone mention that Red Hood and the Outlaws #1 came out on the exact same day as Marv Wolfman and George Perez's New Teen Titans magnum opus, the hardcover graphic novel Games? You know, a book where Starfire is actually treated with some degree of humanity? For maybe the last time ever? And of course DC closes the book on their end with the proclamation that everyone should look at the rating on the book and take a big dose of STFU. Yes, hooray for tact, DC. You care about the bucks, not the content. We get it.

(Yes, I actually went out and bought Red Hood and the Outlaws #1. I didn't want to give DC a dime for the book. Alas, my decision was made a little better when I considered that my retailer had already paid for the drek that lined his shelves, and I'd be doing him a disservice by not relieving him of the book. I did, however, tell him that I most definitely would not return for any subsequent issues, so he need only take my copy in consideration when adjusting his future orders downward.)

There are, of course, equal-opportunity digs at male characters. Ray Palmer, the original Atom, is a mere scientist in Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. And...wait. Did any male character who was obscenely obese get trim? Did any paraplegic male character get up and walk? Is any male character reduced to humping the leg of any female in sight?

Don't misunderstand: there are parts of the new DC Universe I enjoy. As in my earlier review, I love I, Vampire. It's a brilliant reinvention of the original concepts by J.M. DeMatteis and Tom Sutton. I also really enjoy the stylishness of Batwoman by J.H. Williams III. Couldn't honestly imagine anyone else making the book quite so good. Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. is just goofy enough to work. I'm giving Resurrection Man another month or two, but boy, would it thrive under a more stylish artist. Speaking of stylish artists, Yanick Paquette is the next Kevin Nowlan in Swamp Thing, and the story by Scott Snyder fires on all cylinders even as it undoes everything Alan Moore did in "The Anatomy Lesson." Animal Man is the creepy polar opposite of Swamp Thing and I loved that cliffhanger. I even liked Snyder with Greg Capullo on Batman but at the same time I don't feel any compulsion to buy the next one. Aside from the astonishingly sexy art by Guillem March on Catwoman, there's little to recommend--for titillationists only. All-Star Western is okay enough and I could get it in collected editions, but I've the feeling I should reach for Jonah Hex Vol. 1 first. Nightwing? I'm really, really close to picking up number two. And Batgirl? Gail Simone takes into account the ongoing evolution of the character, doesn't throw out the baby with the bathwater, and gives me adventures of Babs monthly without my having to dig in the back issue bins. What's not to love? (Okay, besides the overcomplicated costume!) Yes, Batgirl is sublime. As for Grant Morrison's Action Comics...it's Grant Morrison, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't match the complexity of Batman Incorporated, alas, nor is it meant to.

Still, there are a lot of misses. I couldn't stomach Justice League no matter how much I used to enjoy Geoff Johns' scripts. It just felt like a team-up between the two heroes everybody should recognize from the movies, with another movie hero at the end in case anyone started to fall asleep. Hawk & Dove is typical Rob Liefeld, and although I like the relationship between Dove and Deadman....it's Rob Liefeld. Green Lantern tries too hard to turn Hal Jordan into a jerkier Peter Parker. I'd almost be interested in picking up issue two if not for the fact that Johns has burned me out on Sinestro. O.M.A.C. is DC's very own version of the Hulk, right down to the sci-fi milieu, but the "lead" plays just a bit part in the book so far, hardly a character at all. In DC Universe Presents Deadman, Paul Jenkins and Bernard Chang don't give me anything better than Neal Adams & co. already offered in the seventies. Wonder Woman, I found guilty of trying way too hard.

In the "didn't make enough of an impression to care" department, I humbly submit Justice League International, Demon Knights and Stormwatch.

Aside from Red Hood, the biggest travesty I've discovered so far has been the book for which I held out the most hope. When DC promised a "reimagining" and a land of new and exciting concepts--when they said the character never existed before now in this post-"Flashpoint" universe--I should have known something would go horribly wrong. And, well, remembering the old jokes about a previous series being named after the fury instead of the character himself...just shoot me now.

The Fury of Firestorm: The Nuclear Men is the biggest dud of them all, if you don't consider the horrendous treatment of the women of the DC Universe to be worse offenses. (I kinda do.)

I've still got the next two issues of the series on order from the good folks at Discount Comic Book Service, but from reading the first issue, it was just too kooky, cliche, and derivative to stand a decent chance of working. Where would you like me to start? Cliff Carmichael is recast as a super-badass black ops guy who likes to kill people. Instead of being a potential mentor, Professor Stein is still dead. And Ronnie Raymond and Jason Rusch are about the most generic study in contrasts I've ever seen, all their attributes recited by rote. The Large Hadron Supercollider in Europe replaces the Hudson Nuclear Power Plant for a topical touchstone of superscience. And I haven't even gotten to Firestorm him/themselves!

Long ago, when the series was first announced, I looked at Jason and Ronnie's costumes and thought they were ridiculous. I get the idea: one character is mainly in red, and one is in yellow, and when they merge, hooray! Something vaguely resembling the original Firestorm!

Bzzt. Wrong answer. The bad news is that the costumes don't look any less ridiculous in the issue itself, which actually has capable artwork by Yildiray Cinar. The worse news is that when our heroes merge, they turn into Fury, a Hulky, Anti-Monitor-esque character that oozes nuclear fire and speaks in sixties slang. You can even tell right now that Jason and Ronnie won't be the only two characters to "plug into" this new entity. There are six circles on Fury's chest, y'see, and only two of them are now occupied by emblems that match the ones on their costumes. So I'm guessing we'll get to see four more nuclear characters. Firehawk, Pozhar...Atomic Skull, Tokamak anybody? (And if there are six total slots, why do we have seven nuclear men/women? Check the middle of the book...)

And, pardon me for drawing attention to cliche, but...Jason turns into Firestorm by saying the magic word? What are we, twelve?

Incredibly, "God Particle," the first story in this new era of Firestorm, is co-written by Gail Simone, who wrote Batgirl, which is one of my very favorite books in the "New 52." It seems she does her best, but I've really got my doubts about this new direction. I've got the uncanny feeling I'm about to drop Firestorm for only the second time ever. It's really that different and that unrecognizable to me. We'll see if Simone, Van Sciver and Cinar are able to make me reverse course, but it's not looking good.

All of the above brings me to this week's news from Dan DiDio that none of the events labeled "Crisis" happened the way we remember. Is it really that much of a shock? It appears that, with rare exception centered around most but not all facets of Green Lantern and Batman, everything about DC continuity prior to last month is up for grabs. That means you're best off not even acknowledging any events that occurred before four weeks ago as part of DC continuity. Unless they happened to Batman or Green Lantern. And in those cases, only about seven out of ten of those things happened. Get out your graphing calculators, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Look at what hints at the past we've got in the books, and we're only a month along. Already we know the original Dove (from Hawk & Dove) died during "the worst crisis the world's ever seen." In Red Hood and the Outlaws, Arsenal clearly quizzes Starfire about her previous team, the New Teen Titans, bringing up names including "Vic," which is likely a reference to Cyborg, a.k.a. Victor Stone. The only problem is Cyborg has been set up to be a founding member of the "New 52" version of the Justice League...so why would he have been batted down to the Titans? Similarly, if Final Crisis never happened, under what circumstances did Bruce Wayne "die" so that Dick Grayson became Batman for the better part of a year (referenced in Nightwing #1)?

DC is on a slippery slope with this new approach to continuity. If they really are serious about September being a new beginning, then they should keep the references to pre-"Flashpoint" events to a bare minimum. If they're trying to put the continuity genie back in the bottle--as I postulated in my previous post where I labeled the recently-finished event the "Anti-Crisis"--they should work hard to adhere to their own new set of rules. Without that commitment, the company fails in the same way as they did during the fallout to 1985's Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Already we're seeing all manner of new stories that dredge up new versions of the past. Superman showed up in Metropolis wearing a little red cape and blue jeans some five years ago. At the same time we've got him showing up in Justice League, also five years ago, wearing his armor.

I've heard that Batman has been around for ten years, but I don't know how much stock I put in that idea. He must have been around for some time, as he's on his fourth Robin right now...who just so happens to be his illegitimate son. I have to suppress a chuckle every time I see a reference to DC publicity painting Robins as Batman's revolving door internship program. Please.

My point is that if we're really not supposed to think about older continuity, then the whole line should have been rebooted like Man of Steel and Wonder Woman did in 1987, and like only a few books--Mister Terrific, The Fury of Firestorm, Supergirl and a few others--did last month. If we're not supposed to try and fill in the blanks what happened and what didn't, then there shouldn't be four Robins, multiple Batgirls, Batmen across the world, etc., etc.

And if they care about historical interpretations of classic characters, then they shouldn't take characters that are familiar to kids from animated series like Teen Titans and make them into thoughtless sex drones.

Lastly, let's please, please, please not clear the decks of "Crisis"-type events just for the sake of 2012's line-wide event, First Crisis, No, Really, We Swear, Why Are You Looking at Us Like That, Just Shut Up and Buy It Already, These Aren't the Droids You're After. You've already given us hints that everyone's going to start to crossover in the third and fourth issues of various series, but please, if I wanted to read interconnected chaos, I'd be a Marvel Zombie forever and ever, amen.

DC, really, with the relaunch, I'm pulling for you guys. If you're successful, then maybe Marvel will lay off the aforementioned chaos. Then maybe we'll start to heal the industry.

I'm getting the idea you're gonna blow it. Don't do that. Don't.

Or Hulk will smash.

~G.

Meow Mix (Awaiting the Emerald Hairball)

So, on the eve of another potential turkey in the making, it occurred to me, you guys don't know the secret story of how I first (and, for that matter, only) saw that hairball of a movie...

Yeah. That one.

I don't remember what movie I bought to get that Movie Cash to see Catwoman, but get it I did. It had to have been something good, because I can't see buying a DVD just to get one ticket to see one lousy movie I likely wouldn't have seen otherwise. There was a theatre, not too far away from where I lived at the time, probably newly opened not long before, come to think of it. I do believe I went on opening night. And I almost didn't see it at all. Would you believe that?

It's true! The fates tried to steer me away and I stubbornly forged onward. Y'see, when I went to purchase a ticket for the movie, the girl selling the tickets gave me one for the wrong film. Maybe it was the latest Harry Potter. Like an idiot, I actually fussed and said I really wanted to see Catwoman. (Stop smirking!) If you came to the theatre and had a pass to see one crappy movie, but the theatre gods took pity on your poor soul and gave you a ticket for a completely different, highly-reviewed movie, you'd probably not have hesitated, not have refused. But yeah, I did. I'm a sucker.

When I got to the actual auditorium in the theatre, it was one of the smallest screens in the place, with probably only 60 or so seats in it. I sat a few rows up. It was one of those stadium-seating theatres. Soon, a duo of older women joined me in the theatre, sitting in the row behind me. The real terror then began when the lights dimmed and the projector ran. However bad I could have conceived it, the end result was worse. It started out as just boring but veered off into "unintentionally hilarious" territory.

And I laughed.

Yeah, pretty hard.

Patience Philips gets murdered? Tee-hee. A cat breathes green fumes on her and gives her super-kitty powers? Bwa-ha-ha. Her boss gets skin like "living marble" because she's been using some funky skin cream for too long? Hee hee, ha ha, ho ho! I admit, I laughed hard enough that the women behind me had to shush me. Still, I kept up with the giggle-fits. And don't get me started on poor pretty boy Benjamin Bratt, unable to act his way out of a paper bag. Or maybe it was all just the limiting script. Y'know, that award-winning script. The Golden Raspberry winner for Worst Screenplay, just like the movie won other similar awards, for Worst Picture, Worst Actress, and Worst Director.

Worst DC film ever? I don't know. Unlike Marvel, who in my opinion has a few turkeys here and there, Catwoman has a lot of company. Superman III and IV. Batman & Robin. Jonah Hex. The Return of Swamp Thing. And, oh yes, we daren't forget Steel.

Are we ready for Green Lantern to join such illustrious company? Worse yet, are we ready to see the $200-million project deliver a black eye to DC's line of feature films, which have been, let's face it, pretty unspectacular aside from the majority of their Superman and Batman franchises? Comparatively, Marvel has had great success in bringing their characters to life on the silver screen. Can DC catch a break? I'm beginning (heh) to doubt it.

~G.

That's What I Want: My Top Requested Graphic Novels of '11 (2)

Here we go with the second of two entries about the graphic novel collections I'd most like to see. They include both existing collections which have sadly fallen out-of-print, as well as original collections that have never seen the light of day. Allow me to start with one out-of-alphabetical-order pick that honestly should have been in yesterday's entry, and then we'll continue with the final seven eight picks!

Batman: Prodigal (DC)

(Collecting Batman #512-514; Batman: Shadow of the Bat #32-34; Detective Comics #679-681; and Robin #0, 11-13.) After all that's happened in the world of Batman over the last year, with Dick Grayson inheriting the cowl in the wake of Bruce Wayne's apparent demise, then continuing as Batman in Gotham while the returned Bruce begins an international Batmen recruiting drive, it's truly a wonder to me that this collection can only be found at hyper-inflated costs on eBay and amazon.com. This storyline, released in the aftermath of everything that began with "Knightfall," showed what happened when Batman left the cowl in the hands of the man best qualified for the role, instead of the noob Azrael. It's an intriguing character study that touches on all the major bases such a storyline should. It's also, in context, an excellent prologue for current events. Because it's relevant to the beginning of "Prodigal," I've also taken the liberty of including one extra story here: "Brothers in Arms" from Robin #0, a Zero Month spotlight on Robin and Nightwing that paved the way for this arc. It's the single improvement in an otherwise terrific volume. (And hey, DC? While we're on the subject, it's well past time for that collection of "Batman: Year 3" by Wolfman & Perez. Okay?)

Iron Man: The Iron Scream (Marvel)

(Collecting Iron Man #163-170.) I'm really shocked that this collection hasn't already been done, considering its conclusion is already available in the Iron Man: Iron Monger Premiere Classic hardcover. Written by comics vet Denny O'Neil and drawn by Luke McDonnell, this is the storyline that introduced Tony Stark's chief competitor, Obadiah Stane (seen in the film!), and set the two on a collision course. Playing a game of chess with real people as the pieces, Stane takes Stark to the edge of sanity in a storyline that ends with our hero back to drowning his sorrows away, leading to Rhodey donning the steel-mesh armor for the first time. That's right, it's the start of the long road that leads to the birth of War Machine, and it all starts here! What better reason to bring this storyline in print?

Morbius the Living Vampire: A Stillborn Genesis (Marvel)

(Collecting Adventure Into Fear #20-31.) Since Marvel has been releasing the rest of what would be in an Essential Morbius volume in their Vampire Tales collections, it'd be great to see them release the other solo Morbius stories in living color, which brings me to this volume, written by Steve Gerber and Doug Moench, with art by Paul Gulacy and Frank Robbins. These are Morbius stories with a more sci-fi bent than in his Vampire Tales series. The series guest-stars Blade and Simon Stroud from the Tomb of Dracula and Creatures on the Loose strips, respectively. An entertaining diversion, this volume could even pave the way for more Morbius the Living Vampire collections from the 1990s series!

The Punisher: Purgatory & Revelation (Marvel)

(Collecting Punisher: Purgatory #1-4 and Punisher/Wolverine: Revelation #1-4.) Franken-Castle? One of my favorite Punisher stories. I'm not a typical Punisher fan, and I don't like typical Punisher stories. The last time I enjoyed the character before then was in these two storylines, which have an impressive pedigree. It's not often you get a Punisher story drawn by Bernie Wrightson, with covers by Joe Jusko. The story is about as ridiculous as Frank Castle's ever gotten, right up there with having his skin turned black. He commits suicide and gets brought back as an angel of vengeance, with an arsenal from God. He finds out his guardian angel screwed the pooch the day Maria and the kids were killed. This collection of eight issues over two miniseries, including a team-up with Wolverine, would easily fit in one volume. We've got Franken-Castle. Why not Angel Punisher?

The Spectre: Crimes and Punishments (DC)

(Collecting The Spectre (1992) #1-4.) John Ostrander and Tom Mandrake are one of the best duos in comics, with work ranging from the creator-owned Grimjack, to the Superman-as-western riff The Kents, to the elemental fury of Firestorm and the alien worlds of the Martian Manhunter. The apotheosis of their collaboration is this 62-issue series that lasted from 1992 to 1998. Noteworthy for its exploration of Christian mythology, its striking covers by fantasy's foremost artists, and its development of the Jim Corrigan character far beyond anything seen over the previous half a decade, Ostrander and Mandrake's Spectre stands with James Robinson's Starman as one of the most consistent creative visions in DC history. Not only does it deserve a re-release of the first volume, it also deserves the royal treatment: either a whole series of graphic novel collections, or a deluxe omnibus release. It's time to show the masses that the Spectre, when written well, was one of the best damn characters and one of the best damn comics, period.

Spider-Man: The Cosmic Adventures (Marvel)

(Collecting The Amazing Spider-Man #326-329; Quasar #7; The Spectacular Spider-Man #158-160; and Web of Spider-Man #59-61, 64-65.) While the majority of these issues are now available in the brand-new Acts of Vengeance Omnibus, let's face it: that collected edition is a $100 hardcover and hardly something the casual Spider-Man fan would feel comfortable purchasing. Instead, I strongly suggest Marvel release an updated version of this collection from 1993, with the original Ron Lim cover, and with the additions of Spidey's guest appearance in Quasar and the two-part event where all the bad guys came back to fight Spidey after his cosmic powers had left him. Certainly a $30 softcover is more economical than that epic tome that's already available.

Spider-Man: The Owl/Octopus War (Marvel)

(Collecting Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #72-79.) While it may be readily accessible in two Essential collections, a Premiere Classic hardcover edition of this eight-part storyline in full color would be welcome indeed. In 1983, Bill Mantlo and Al Milgrom crafted what I consider to be among the best clashes between Spider-Man and one of his deadliest foes, Dr. Octopus. Guest-starring the Black Cat, and co-featuring the villainy of the Owl, this saga encapsulates just about everything I enjoyed about early 1980s Spidey books. I've already told listeners of Jon Westhoff's and my Spectacular Spider-Cast all about my love for this arc, but it bears repeating here. If you've never read this storyline, you're really missing out--as is Marvel by withholding this terrific collection. 'Nuff said.

Spider-Man Presents: The Mark of the Man-Wolf (Marvel)

(Collecting The Amazing Spider-Man #124-125, 189-190; Creatures on the Loose #30-37; Giant-Size Super-Heroes #1; Marvel Premiere #45-46; Marvel Team-Up #37; Peter Parker. the Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #3; and Savage She-Hulk #13-14.) Of all the neglected monster characters, John Jameson as the Man-Wolf may rank atop the leader boards. Emblazoning Spider-Man's name on the top of this volume would, I hope, bring ample notice to this collection, filled with both battles with Spider-Man as well as the Man-Wolf's own solo adventures (some of which were drawn by a young George Perez--say, whatever happened to him?). Yes, the collection would also reprint all John Jameson's appearances as Stargod. I can't tell you how much I want to see this volume. Bark at the moon, kids!

Swamp Thing: Bad Gumbo (DC/Vertigo)

(Collecting Swamp Thing #140-143.) Especially topical considering today's return of Swamp Thing in Brightest Day (and possibly strongly a no-no to be reprinted because Swampy's back at mainstream DC), this storyline is by three industry giants and well deserves a collection. Was Swamp Thing only a dream, a hallucination of botanist Alec Holland, stoned out of his mind? This contrarian take on Swamp Thing had more than its share of psychological horror courtesy of co-writers Grant Morrison and Mark Millar and artist Phil Hester. This is an utterly raw story by all talents, but something makes it work. Millar's plotlines may have meandered in later issues, leading down the long road to cancellation in issue #171, but this four-part storyline is solid and representative of some of the best of 1990s Vertigo that isn't Sandman. It actually led me to dive into the back-issue bins for Alan Moore's original run. How's that for inspiration?

Well, that's my list! What say you fellas?

~G.