You Really Don't Want To Know What I Think (Or: Shouldn't That Be "Hulk: Piece of S***"?)

Pray this one doesn't make it off the drawing board: recently, on amazon.com, it was "revealed" that the next Incredible Hulk trade paperback to reach bookstores following the "House of M" one will be called "Peace on Earth" and will be written by Daniel Way.

Now, I could have titled this post, "Retard Hired for Hulk Gig," but I've a little more couth than that, most days.

I've made no secret of the fact I don't like Mr. Way's work much, and I don't like the way he talks. He doesn't sound particularly "edjimacated." He's a cook (he says a "chef," calling CBR reporter Jonah Weiland a "dumbass" for making the mistake, but yes, chef, cook, same diff) that landed one fancy-schmancy award (the Xeric Grant) and who automatically feels that entitles him to a living tearing comic characters down one living legend at a time. He's written Marvel heavies like Spider-Man (well, guest-starring the villain Tombstone, draining all the flavor, and rearranging like a prison "drop-the-soap" dramedy), Venom (ripping the symbiote from the villain, attaching it to a dozen someone elses, involving men in black and exotic locales and--I'm sorry, are you falling asleep from the perceived similarities to John Carpenter's The Thing and Bruce Jones' run on The Incredible Hulk? Mea culpa!), Bullseye (proving you really can't screw up writing a character who never really had any depth of character for the previous 20 years, so why start now?), and Wolverine (old guy, knives in his hands, nothing remotely good has been done with him in at least 20 years...wow, sounds almost like that Bullseye guy!). I don't know who this guy has blackmail material on to get this many high-profile Marvel gigs, but I wish said Marvel associate wouldn't take the crap and would report the guy to the proper authorities already.

I haven't even gotten to my fun quotes portion of this entry. A year or so ago, Mr. Way was talking with Pennsylvania's very own Jen Contino about an upcoming project of his, an Ant Man series written for Marvel's MAX imprint, that was subsequently scrapped. I'll just post some snippets, for fun...make up your own mind whether he's just joking around or whether he cares that little for anyone besides himself:

"THE PULSE: What do you find the most challenging about having the variety?

"WAY: The most challenging part is sitting down to write when all I really want to do is get f***ed-up and get laid."

"THE PULSE: Hank Pym in the Ultimates universe seems a little "Max" but the mainstream universe Hank Pym has never seemed that cutting edge or mature - at least before the Avengers 71 issue - so why was this Ant Man (as opposed to Scott Lange ) chosen for the Max series?

"WAY: I don't know (just like I don't know about this "Avengers 71" thing). Marvel sent me this big book of old Ant-Man stories and said "go". I flipped through it--sometimes he got really small, sometimes he got really big...I didn't know what the f*** was going on. So I just read the first 6 or 8 pages of the first story, got it and went off."

"THE PULSE: What are some of the elements that will make this comic have to be for Mature readers?

"WAY: The butt-f***ing, mostly."

"THE PULSE: Which would you rather be: Ant Man or Giant Man or Yellowjacket? Why?

"WAY: Who the f*** are Giant Man and Yellowjacket? Doesn't matter: None of the above."

"THE PULSE: What other projects are you working on?

"WAY: I'm working on this movie called "Kill-Crazy Nymphos Attack". It's gonna be f***in' RETARDED."

You can read the interview for yourself right here. Don't say I didn't warn you folks. Seriously, there are no f***in' edits anywhere to be found.

Needless to say, I don't want to see this f***er anywhere near my Hulk.

And you can quote me on that s***.

Now, anyone got any questions for me to ask him in case I gotta do an interview with 'im for Comixfan?

~G.